Life's a funny thing, really. And so are us human beings. We'll go from feeling like we own the world to feeling as though we're nothing. From feeling like 'life's got to change' in order to achieve happiness, to then only realising we're no better off; wishing things back to how they were.
See, before Christmas, I'd never been more in demand (sounds like such a dickhead sentence but I didn't know how else to put it - we all get one, ok?). From turning away job offers, to blog work on the steady rise and starting a brand new, full-time role - it's like suddenly the world had finally noticed me. Like, all of a sudden, after months of feeling worthless, some sort of alarm went off and life was like "Ok, Liv, here's your shot. You have a place here". It was so unexpected.
I am wearing
c/o American Eagle
Chloe Georgia bag
They say that good things rock up when you least expect them and my goodness, I can tell you that's true. The world has such a clever way of knowing how far it can push us and it doesn't half cut things fine. Stick with it. Your world may be overcome with negatives but it takes one, cheerful memory to forge a smile - this is paramount during times like this.
Struggle with remembering? Find a notepad, name it something lame like your 'joyful jotter' and fill it with good things which you can re-visit, however trivial. Just think of the things which temporarily made you feel better, whether that's in the moment, or months afterwards. Have a conversation and reminisce with your friends or family and then write it down. Joyful jotter is your best pal, I promise.
So let's put together a little timeline on life, for perspective purposes:
~ Months of letting mental health get the better of me, feeling completely lost and pointless, and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel
~ Started taking baby steps to attend more events because I refused to be in that state any longer and concentrated hard on my social/blog content
~ Brand approaches increased, alongside non-blog work offers (I ended up with 4 actually in the same week)
~ Started a role at the company I felt, not only, aligned with my life, passion and skills the most, but also whom I felt I could personally benefit most, with my addition to the team
~ Began to feel as though I had purpose. I was finally being recognised. But having so much 'purpose' came with its alternative drawbacks
~ Became ill with stress and would break down almost daily because I was essentially working two full time jobs. Wasn't a very nice person to be around and was regressing back to the weakest I'd been in a long time; physically and mentally
~ Built up the courage to chat with work about it, who were entirely understanding, and offered to accommodate with a schedule better suited to me (2 days a week + extra on live projects)
And then we arrive back to the present. My stress levels have decreased infinitely, although I'm never short of work to do. I have bags more time to focus on my blogging, and I do personally feel my content has benefitted because of this.
So why do those feelings of purposelessness seem to have crept back in? Because I'm not 9-5 in an office everyday with tasks being thrown at me. Because I actually have time for myself, where I can occasionally switch off from the world and work on things which we all need to do more regularly i.e. self-love, mindfulness and acceptance.
Why do the opinions and reliance of other people, on ourselves, affect how much we feel we deserve to be here?
Self-assurance can only come from ourselves. And I know I'm writing this, not yet having achieved it, but they always say that recognition is the first step, right? And also realising that you're not alone.
So, in a bid to encourage myself and all of you who may be in a similar boat, to acknowledge that we deserve our own investment; that we hold as much value as we provide ourselves - here I am inviting you to join me to realise our purpose.
Things you could do to approach this:
~ Spend some time alone and get lost in the things you love doing
~ Read through that joyful jotter, laugh that you gave a notepad a name (dw I name all of my possessions) and smile at that time you belly-laughed 'til you cried (and got a decent ab workout too) with your favourite people. Or perhaps with a friendly stranger
~ Think of at least one, good thing about yourself, daily. Whether it's your appearance, personality or even something you've achieved - be it life-changing, or as simple as clearing out your wardrobe. A top tip for mind-decluttering, I tell ya!
~ Fall down a black hole of inspiring TED talks and let them do a better job than I'm doing right now
~ Treat yourself. This could range from buying yourself that expensive piece you've been coveting, to allowing yourself one day to do absolutely nothing. 'Treats' do not always equal monetary value
~ Remember there is only one of you. You are legit the only you on this planet, meaning nobody can offer what you bring. Wake up and tell the world it's not ready for your jelly. Beyoncé did it and we can too
When we learn to accept that nothing or no one else is responsible for our validation, there'll be no telling to our endless potential!
Photography by Michael
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Photography by Michael
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