Monday, July 23
Home, Loneliness and Back To Basics

Brighton, UK

Home, Loneliness and Back To Basics

Monday, July 23
it’s been a while again, hasn’t it?

and no matter how often i say it out loud, write it down, type it out ... i still end up leaving this space alone for far too long. never forgetting, but more ignoring. procrastinating. neither of which i’m proud to admit.

my old pal, chlo, wrote a post recently about blogging, in its traditional form (or the lack thereof in our modern and ever-evolving industry) and it really struck a chord with me. hit home.


for the past week, i’ve been feeling extremely overwhelmed, uncertain and despondent. and to be quite honest, when it comes to that, there’s only one thing for it ~ again ... home. i remember how much upset and resentment we felt when my parents (mum & step dad, for those who are new here!) decided to uproot and sell our family house. i say ‘house’ because whilst, yes, we grew up there, made memories, shared so much love and laughter, learned lessons which have shaped entire fragments of ourselves today; those four walls were just that. walls. beautiful walls at that, but still merely bricks, nonetheless. and the rest of that stuff i mentioned? the good, profound shit which makes us feel warm and fuzzy? well, that all comes from the people inside them.
what i'm wearing

dress | zara
bag | gucci (similar here and here)
sunglasses | rayban (c/o next)
trainers | nike

in a few weeks, my best friend (otherwise known as my big, baby-faced and A* sister) moves away. travelling the world and learning invaluable lessons amongst unfamiliar cultures. in a few weeks we’ll be leaving our little, could-be-hoovered-more-but-that’s-how-we-like-it hovel and taking our next steps ...

her? back to brighton for a pit stop until the inevitable journey begins.

me? well, to be honest i’m not really sure. in the unlikely scenario i find a place by then, i’ll be up in london for the foreseeable. and if not? back to brighton, and mum’s welcoming arms with sis, until the right one comes up.

but even then, i’ll be living alone. don’t forget working alone since i took the plunge into full-time freelancing back in march. this, to me, is pretty scary. i’m not gunna lie by saying i’m the *most* emotionally stable human on the planet and my mood swings leave a lot to be desired as well. the idea of having an entire place to myself, on one hand, fills me with excitement and enthusiasm, whilst simultaneously spiralling my being into a pit of anxiety and despair.

i like being alone, but nobody wants to be lonely. and my gosh, is there a difference.

lately, loneliness has manifested itself whilst being alone and that’s where the worry sets in when the relocation finally does happen. living with a stranger is just not an option and living with a friend has not really worked out in terms of timings. do i go back to a more ‘traditional’ job, involving physical, human interaction? get a pet? (animals are far superior to humans, no offence) or, as my inner-conscience keeps yelling, suck it up and stop crying ... the latter being easier said than done.

change is amazing. but also emotionally draining. as is losing your sister to exotic countries across the world, but that’s just coming from a selfish POV. for a while i’ve been suppressing these uncertainties and sadnesses, so as to not fall behind and become unproductive. i’ve been letting stuff slide, which has actually upset me; focusing myself on work, other people and their problems, all the while ignoring my own. i’m now realising that probably wasn’t the best idea, since it’s all releasing itself in one, giant flood and what was once ‘liv’ has been replaced by a withered and energy-less puddle, who mainly thinks about bed and gin (the best things in life, alongside animals tbh).
the reason i’m back here releasing all my feels to those of you who have patiently stuck around throughout my absence, is exactly because of what chlo’s post reminded me ~ why i started. this blog began as a creative and emotional outlet during the peak of my battle with anxiety. a safe place of self-expression, honesty, sanctuary and usually some sort of badly told anecdote.

my online home.

and aside from spending time with my family and receiving all the tlc from mumma ~ there’s no other place i’d rather be right now.

how about you?

poem source (from handwriting) here
Sunday, April 29
Female Artists are F*cking Killing It // Top Ten Playlist to get you through May

East Sussex, UK

Female Artists are F*cking Killing It // Top Ten Playlist to get you through May

Sunday, April 29
music is a huge part of my life. in fact, even more so now i haven't had a tv in any place i've lived for the best part of a year and a half. and do you know what? i don't miss it whatsoever. sure, i'm still a sucker for an episode of towie or mic. give me a david attenborough documentary any day. but in my own time. tv no longer dictates me. instead, i get to give my rapidly dwindling eyesight a rest and treat those ears to something other than the fatiguing sounds of a non-sleeping city. it's refreshing and peaceful. and if anything, only strengthens my appreciation of the skill it takes to songwrite, produce and compose. coming from an early-retired and ever-regretful pianist ...

what i'm wearing

(full whistles look c/o next label)

i love that it's a language we can all understand and a feeling with which we can all relate. when you find that piece of music which so perfectly and purely expresses your mood better than you ever could. tell me honestly, have you ever met a single soul who says they don't like music? and seriously, how can anybody not like something so vast? so inclusive of every experience, emotion, expression.

if someone were to ask 'what sort of music do you like?' it's never really a question i can answer. give me anything from drake to einaudi. bryson tiller to the xx ~ it either comes in phases or all at once. i've always struggled to find satisfaction in one thing. i crave variety and avoid routine. music being no exception.

recently, people have started asking about songs playing in the background of my stories. and since it's not a standard topic for liv in fashion, it prompted me to share some of my current favourites over here. show a different side to this space and pass on some music which is currently manifesting itself in my memories.

in the ever-important age of female empowerment, it just so happens that the majority of my latest playlist is flooded with up and coming female artists, and even more so when whittled down into a top ten. though not a conscious curation, if anything were to demonstrate the growing presence, importance and influence of women within a male-dominated industry (/world), i don't think this would be the worst place to start.

with that being said, here are my top ten tunes for the april/may transition ~ the steady lead up into lighter fabrics, kinder climates and hopefully, a little more self love ...

one ~ body, sinead harnett

two ~ cigarette, raye ft. mabel & stefflon don

three ~ aqua blue honda, tylerxcordy

four ~ know myself, justine skye

five ~ check, kojo funds ft. raye

six ~ all in, jay prince

seven ~ come over, mabel

eight ~ fine lines, jorja smith

nine ~ the weekend (funk wav remix), sza

ten ~ grey luh, berhana

Sunday, April 8
Big Changes & Tough Decisions // My First Post as a Full Time “Blogger”

London, UK

Big Changes & Tough Decisions // My First Post as a Full Time “Blogger”

Sunday, April 8
three things:
i moved flats, left my job and neglected this blog SO far to the point where it would almost be an injustice to bloggers to call myself their 'fellow' anymore

but it's time to change that.

leaving my job was not a decision i took lightly and i won't be going into the nitty gritty about why i finally chose to do so; it was certainly no reflection on the people themselves and i fully believe i'm a wiser, more confident human for working there

what i will say is, it's a decision i've been contemplating a long while. and as time went on, those gut feels we all tend to ignore but realise we probably shouldn't, grew stronger. my happiness in the situation grew weaker. and so i took the plunge. i'm my own agent. the world is my oyster, yada yada. but what this really means is i need to focus on this corner of the internet which has almost sole-handedly got me to where we stand today. provided me with the option to give up working for others and have a go at being my own boss. given me the chance to transform a tiny, old, time-filling hobby into a pretty fun and rewarding, yet difficult nonetheless, career. and it's high time that it, and you guys (if any of y'all have actually been patient enough to stick around), get shown the respect you deserve.

what i'm wearing

jacket | c/o & other stories
top | c/o new look
trousers | c/o missguided
hat | c/o new look
bag | gucci

personal standards are what predominantly keep me from posting so often. thrown in with a lack of inspiration, of course, until i think ~ but am i really lacking inspo or is the topic/blog post i want to produce just not worth putting out there?

note: i wrote 'personal' standards. because this is in no way discrediting those talented humans (some of which i am v lucky to call my pals) who are able to post so regularly, consistently and eloquently to say the least. side referencing chlo and soph mainly here tbh. 10/10 not biased about the fact they own two of my favourite blogs on the internet

the issue lies here:
if i have only a few lines to say, i won't say them. if i don't have enough 'decent' pictures to fill a post, they'll be restricted to a shorter life on our beloved 'gram (you'll be surprised at how many times this has happened). but who made these rules? who determined that those words amounting to a paragraph (probably a sentence in some cases) weren't worthy of being shared? that those four images (out of four hundred, let's be real) don't deserve a space on my own, personal internet shelf?

short answer: me. i decided. and do you know what? i don't even know why. *story of my life* alert.


i can also appreciate i'm not alone on this subject. and this is no 'woe is me' piece, don't worry. just one of those rare, self-observations which has actually helped and not hindered

so i thought it may be worthwhile to anybody thinking similarly.

and with that, i've decided to lower my standards a little. allow myself to post more often with less words. maybe even loads of words with little imagery but only if it's flowing. hell, if i can ramble so much in every insta caption, why can't i share half the pointless bs i spew over here? it goes down surprisingly well on there (don't ask me why). i still can't promise i'm going to be the world's best blogger. and i still can't admit there won't be weeks where this space is left untouched. but i'm making a vow to be easier on myself. kinder. more accepting. something we're all programmed not to be.

you're now probably wondering how the totally irrelevant, initial mentioning of moving flats fits in here. well, to be honest, my first thoughts were that i should probably just update you; been a while, seemed like a good idea. but secondly, i finally feel like i have some sort of home again. and it's been a long time coming. actually wanting to spend time where you live is a whole new phenomenon after an unfavourable, previous place and that, on top of going full time has given me ... i'd like to say a new lease of life but let's be honest, there's still days i struggle to get out of bed, put on pants and face the world. a fresh outlook is more appropriate here.

it's not easy to change your mindset. but it is easy to change little aspects of your life. don't get me wrong, moving house and quitting your job are absolutely not 'little' things and should be approached with much research and rationalisation. but altering your morning/evening routine, exploring a new area, making a new connection (or reigniting an old one) or even walking somewhere you'd usually drive or get the bus, can help considerably

now, will somebody please send over some advice on kittens? furry friends are quite clearly the true key to world satisfaction and i want in.

Wednesday, January 10
The New Year's Resolution I Didn't Decide On // Life Cycles

London, UK

The New Year's Resolution I Didn't Decide On // Life Cycles

Wednesday, January 10
if any of y'all have come from the 'gram, you'll know i spent my NYE in bed, in agony, unable to hold down food. oh and pretty much everyday, since then, up until recently too. i'll look at the positives in that, with feeling so unwell, my currently permanently-domed, pregnancy-resembling stomach has been confined to four walls, saving those awkward public transport moments of being offered an unwarranted seat.
 the urgent care centre sends me away, after a two hour wait, with nothing but meds and a friendly smile on the 30th december and whilst i'm eternally grateful that there are selfless souls who give up their time to help people in need over the holidays, my lack of knowing what was really wrong with me and the little effect of said meds didn't instil the greatest of faith

i return to london and, by miracle of baby jesus, get an appointment with my gp for the following day. she informs me i most likely have gastroenteritis. gastroenteritis. otherwise known as 'stomach flu'. otherwise known as an umbrella term which is SO BROAD neither i, nor she, can even confirm whether i'm contagious or not. whether this is a long term condition or one-time little shit that's holding on for dear life. and winning.

what i'm wearing

c/o coat | warehouse (similar)
c/o cardigan | mint velvet
c/o trousers | dorothy perkins
c/o boots | dorothy perkins
bag | gucci (similar)
sunglasses | celine

 want to know what else my gp informed me?

she said, in order to alleviate (note: alleviate. not cure) my current condition, i must alter my diet. 'alter' is putting it lightly, susan (her name's not susan)

the day before this appointment, myself and my sister had a conversation. she's given up sugar and alcohol for january. that's right, two of us humans' biggest comfort blankets. in one of the most depressing months of the year

i told her she was brave but silly. that she'll most likely hit rock bottom in terms of moods because she's abruptly cutting out two of her go-to coping mechanisms

always a realist, never a sugarcoater. pun unintended.

i told her she should start with one, and gradually introduce the other, so as to slowly wean herself away from her vices. she reluctantly agrees but sticks to her commitment

*fast forward back to friday, sat in susan's office*

"for at least a month, please avoid the following:

acidic foods/drinks

i laugh to hold back the tears

and at that moment i learned never to doubt somebody else's new year's resolutions. that words can and will come back to bite you. that the universe works in some very strange and cyclical ways and

that you're never really, fully alone in anything

rock bottom, we're ready for ya. together.