There's an abundance of posts floating around the blogosphere titled 'how to (do this)' and 'how to (do that)' and in fact, according to a number of people I've spoken to - these are the posts known for performing best in terms of traffic. Now, I totally get it, I do; I love a little insight as much as anybody else and we humans are certainly an inquisitive bunch when it comes to it, but sometimes, I just can't help but feel they're governing my life and myself to be a certain way. As if that's the only way to be or the only way to achieve something and if I'm doing it differently, I'm doing it wrong.
Of course, this is all open to interpretation and most people will probably be like 'wtf, it's just advice, it's not that deep, you bloody idiot', but everybody takes from it what they will, whether that be tips, inspo or extreme lack of self-worth (*cough* hiiiiii), so this is exactly why my over-sensitive, takes-everything-to-heart self is writing this post. To support others who feel the same way (also to selfishly use this blog and you guys as a form of therapy because it really is a WONDERFUL OUTLET... I should be paying you)
I am wearing
c/o Onepiece Power Reversible Jacket
c/o Onepiece Command Long Sweater
*grab 20% off any full priced Onepiece items until Jan 31st with LIV20*
Asos sunglasses (identical here)
c/o 4th & Reckless shoes
Chloe Faye backpack
Obviously, we're never aware how a post is going to make us feel until we've read its content. And I like to give everything a fair chance before judging it based on its 'cover'. Heh. Metaphorical reference. So, as easy as it is to tell myself to avoid any posts that begin with these sorts of titles, I don't really want to. I love to find new ways to better myself or change my way of thinking. Even just how to keep my flat organised without a shred of storage (FU, new build). But it's when these posts become exclusive of everybody else's methods, and disregard how others may want to live their lives, that it becomes an issue for me. Whether it was intended or not.
These posts are written, from the author's point of view, to try to help and inform others. And more often than not, we want to be helped - hence why we're reading them. But more often than not, I also find myself coming away, after finishing them, feeling unworthy or not quite up to scratch because that's not how I do things. Feeling even more shit than I did before I started. With the authors completely unaware of the effect they may be having.
There's this phrase that's always stuck with me, which my mum would say regularly:
"It's not what you say, it's how you say it"
And this statement has never rung more true with me, until now.
Language is one of the most beautiful things we have, but also one of the most terrifying. It's one of the most powerful things around, and because of that, we're often unaware of its effect.
Note the difference between "I did (this), not (this). Do the same and you'll be better at (this)" and "Doing (this) has helped me improve (this). I thought I would share it, in case it did the same for you"
There are ways to communicate things informatively, without degrading others and making them feel inferior for being or acting differently. It's a difficult thing to master, if you're not a naturally empathetic person, and this is something I've had to learn (and am still learning !!) to accept over the years - not everybody is going to approach a situation in the same way or deal with something in the same way we would. And whilst we're sat there feeling shitty about it and mulling things over ten thousand times in our worry-filled heads, the opposite party is, most likely, continuing on eating their chips 'n' dip, completely oblivious to their actions.
Don't let someone else's ideals of life dictate to you that you're not good enough.
It's important to remember that this crazy journey we're all on is not a one-size-fits-all approach and we can't all be put into the same box. Just because it works for one, it does not mean it'll work for another. So sure, take tips, try it out, but don't be disheartened if it's not for you. You'll soon find what is. It doesn't make you any less of a good egg!
I created this lil' ditty in collaboration with Onepiece. Famous for colourful onesies and loungewear, they're often forgotten as being front-runners in the realms of premium streetwear too.
Of course, I opted for an all-black ensemble *do you even know me*, with the Power Reversible Jacket (hellloooo teddy-lining, I could cuddle you forever) and Command Long Sweater; the perfect, versatile pairing for ultimate, fash-focused comfort.
Because what better way to natter on about judging books and things being put into the same box, than with a brand, best-known for their indoor cosies, actually being equally awesome at outdoor wear too? Or 'athleisure' as us blogger-lot like to call it …
So, there you have it - that earlier, metaphorical reference all makes sense now ;)
Photography by Michael
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~ post sponsored by Onepiece, however all opinions, styling and rambles belong to yours truly!