Sometimes I Feel Ungrateful // Oh and THAT Sold Out Shearling Coat

21.11.16
There's this endless discussion over bloggers being paid for their 'work'. I put work in inverted commas because, for some reason, to many, blogging still isn't accepted as a genuine, legitimate career that holds enough weight as any other ... but that's a whole different rabbit hole we could fall down and to be quite honest, I think there's many others who have written about it more eloquently than I ever could.
The thing is, when it comes to blogging, all I ever seem to hear is 'you got that for free?!' 'I wish I was a blogger' 'are the perks good with blogging?' and I'm like well, yes, I did get this damn gorgeous pair of shoes and this very fashionable, new coat (just an example, I wish this Monki one was) for free and yes, a lot of the time I also get paid actual money, just like you do in your job, to go alongside it. You know that all expenses paid work trip your boss sent you on? Or that pretty jammy pension scheme that's accumulating nicely for your future? Even those digestive biscuits you reach for every afternoon when you need a quick pick-me-up. Those are perks. Perks that I have not ever experienced (well, except for maybe the biccies) but would never undermine your choice of job and tell you I'm 'just gunna do what you do' to be entitled to them. As if it's just that simple and doesn't involve an ounce of skill or hard work.

But then I switch to "Shit, you're right. What kind of life am I living and who the hell do I think I am? Victoria Beckham? Just a standard day in the life, really, getting given an item you'd have once saved up your entire wage for and rendered yourself broke for the rest of the month, in order to purchase. Bring your head back down to earth"
Black Barrel Tote Bag via Dezzal (the perfect size for practicality, without being so large you feel the need to carry round the kitchen sink. And it's CYLINDRICAL! So, points for being a great shape)
Then there's those, sort of, patronising emails you get from some companies who don't feel you should be paid for your work. Who believe you're lucky to be even contacted and make you feel like shit for even asking about budget because, although they're being paid a wage to spend eight hours a day doing what they're good at and have chosen in life, why do you deserve any payment for spending your own eight hours (equivalent to one blog post for me), doing the same? Putting your all into something you've worked your arse off to build up from nothing? Just to clarify ~ this is no dig at companies that can't offer payment, respectfully, it's purely aimed at those that make you feel almost undeserving of remuneration for your services.
Self-Tie Oversized Shirt via Dezzal (Give me something oversized any day, especially with detailing and fabric quality this good)
When I take a step back and fully try to understand everyone's viewpoints (something we all, myself included, need to do a little more before reacting), it often gets me thinking ~

Are we all just delusional and blinded by the bubble we're caught up in? Are we greedy? Are we ungrateful?

Should I be showing more appreciation towards the fact I'm getting all this 'free stuff', therefore not be mentioning payment? No one else just gets handed clothing, make up and other products, willy nilly. 

Free stuff. Another thing I relayed in those beloved, inverted commas because ultimately is it really free? When I think back to how much has gone into this little internet space, how many sleepless nights, borrowed time and loaned doorsteps. Supportive messages. Money. Time. I said that once already but I'm saying it again, because time is the most precious of all and you can never get that back. 

Not that I want it back because look how far we've come!! But it's never all plain sailing. As glamorous as our lives may appear. 
At work now, we are given computers to carry out our day-to-days. Mobile phones, stationery, cars. Tools. Tools which fundamentally allow us to do our jobs. And just like estate agents have to drive from house to house, in their company cars, to carry out viewings; bloggers have to produce content to be put out onto their sites to maintain their followings ... to fund their lives. Just like everybody else. It just so happens that our 'tools' correspond with items of leisure. And that's where the blurred line lies. 

Look at me chatting all this privileged spiel when there are people out there with nothing. I know, and I get it. And that's part of the reason for this ramble because I'm so torn on this matter with what's right or wrong. To those who don't understand this industry, whether out of ignorance, or just general confusion through lack of conventionality; we just look like a bunch of pompous gits parading around without a care in the world, aside from which toppings to have on our toast. But the reality is that it's so much more than that. 

We only ever see the final outcome of a painting ~ not the layers of paint it took to create it.

So as I sit here, guiltily thinking how lucky and unworthy I am of all these beautiful things around me, and wondering what the hell I'm doing accepting all of them, I can't help but also hear my mum's voice in the back of my head, telling me how proud she is and how hard I've worked for it. And so the internal battle continues ...


Photography by Michael

I am wearing

Monki via ASOS jacket
c/o Dezzal top
H&M hat (similar here)
Zara boots (similar here)
c/o Dezzal bag

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*this post has been sponsored by Dezzal, however all opinions, styling and rambles belong to yours truly.