Rainy days are OK

Wednesday, December 24
I am wearing
Charity shop coat (similar here and here) // Next jumper (in store, similar here) // H&M dress // Matalan shoes (similar here and here)

With thanks to my bestest, Soph, for the photos @soph_peach - go show her some love!

I guess I should start by saying Merry Christmas to you all. It's currently 10pm on the 23rd of December (as I'm writing this) and I'm sat here reminiscing over life and the happenings within this past year of 2014, and more specifically, my life in 2014. This year appears to have been a whirlwind for me, and seemingly the entire planet when I come to think of the contrast of events that have transpired these past 12 months. I, myself have experienced some of the utmost highs (standing on top of one of the seven wonders of the natural world to pinpoint just one), coupled with some of my lowest and loneliest times to date. I've experienced a lot of hurt this year, be it old events where suppressed feelings have resurfaced for some reason or other, or recent ones which I never expected, nor intended to occur. We all have those years we'd love to forget and write out of our timelines - those years we longed to be over and promised ourselves that the next one would be better. And initially, 2014 was one of those years for me...until I forced myself to take a step back from my thoughts and the negativity surrounding them and ask myself: 

Since when did the bad begin to outweigh the good?

See, I never have and probably never will be classed as an optimist - those who know me closely know this all too well. But there comes a point when you're sitting amongst this cloud of bleakness and misery, that you realise just how quick we all are to take life for granted. I've battled and am still battling with inner self issues, so I understand the 'it's easy for you to say' thoughts that may come alongside reading this post. And I'm certainly not telling everyone to 'cheer up' or 'just try to be happy' or 'decide you're in a good mood' - the most frustrating things any outsider can tell you when they don't fully understand your situation. We all deserve a little time to be sad. 

I guess what I'm experiencing is some sort of guilt. Guilt that I've let all those moments that have made me happy be pushed aside and be made inferior by those that have made me sad, purely because there was less of them. Guilt that some amazing people (my mum and sister at the forefront but even strangers, whom I barely know) have given me their time and energy to create some of the best memories, yet I've let myself temporarily forget them and only hang onto the times I've been hurt. Guilt that I'm sitting here wishing my life away and for the year to be over when there are people everywhere praying for a few extra seconds alive. I find it quite crazy how often we forget to look at the bigger picture because we're so wrapped up in (although they don't seem like it) smaller things. In the new year and from now on, I'm going to try my best to remember the good things. I will inevitably still feel sad, that's a given, and I don't think it's healthy to completely disregard all the bad times, as it equally isn't healthy to disregard all the good. I just feel we owe it to ourselves, and to those who have helped us, to always make sure that those happy times are important.

I'm not really sure what I intended to accomplish with this post and I'm aware it's not my usual tone. And perhaps it's not jolly enough to fit the date it's being posted on, but I'd say Christmas is the time for both reflection and appreciation, above anything else. I've been absent for a while and have recently put a little more of a distance between myself and the internet (which will be continuing throughout 2015), simply because I did just need that bit of time 'for me', as we all occasionally do. It just so turns out that, although I'm still far from where I would like to be, this 'distance' has helped me in more ways than expected.

So that's where I'm at...

Apologies for the wordy and completely un-fashion-related post (I won't be offended if you're only here to comment on the outfit!)

Hope you all have an amazing few days and I will see you before the year is up with some slightly more on-topic rambles.


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