Not Another Mental Health & Self Acceptance Post ...

you’d never know unless i told you, but these photos were taken a few hours following a rather extreme and out of the blue anxiety attack. those of you familiar know it doesn’t just go away after the ‘height’ of it and i can reluctantly confirm that i definitely cried and freaked out both prior to and (quite) a few times after this little photo break. and i’d definitely just done a full face of cute make up before the former ... #goals

you see, it’s funny because i look back at these images and whilst i adore the location (hometowns will always be special), the colours, the compositions, the ‘couldn’t-be-more-me-if-it-tried’ ensemble (if i’m not wearing knitwear and trainers i do not feel my true form); they will forever evoke that memory of how i felt that day. and the aftermath thereafter

and you might think that this would make me hate them but personally? i think maybe that’s why i like them so much

[ the aforementioned gola classics which provided a sense of comfort amongst the chaos. i've worn these non stop since i got them and love the little, green accent on the back ~ reminiscent of an old school tennis shoe ]

SHOP MY LOOK

to an outsider, they’re just another load of street style photos, shot (beautifully, might i add, thank you @bethanyevisuals) by another fashion blogger, in front of another aesthetically pleasing building. but to me, they’re so much more

they’re proof. proof of me feeling hopeless yet still managing to stand in front of a camera and shoot. proof of me feeling like the world is against me yet still producing content i’m more proud to share with it than i’ve been in a while. proof that although i feel weak, i actually did a damn good job at being strong, willing myself to smile and carrying on. and proof that yeah, whilst that was a bloody horrible day, it was also a bloody lovely one. and i completed it. with a sea view and the sun shining, in one of my favourite cities. oh, and there was a surplus of gin to boot (not the answer, kids ~ i just like it anyway. you do you hun)

so next time you try to judge yourself for being ‘crap’ or ‘useless’, how about reminding yourself of the things you managed to achieve that day? next time you see a picture of yourself, taken during a period you weren’t at your peak, how about reminding yourself of how you felt and look at where you are now. it may even be much of the same but hey, i guess that means you got through it the first time, amirite ??

this all works for how we view other people too

pictures don’t need to be surface level ‘curated fakery’ ... they often hold things we might, at first, not even notice about ourselves, let alone our peers

i’ve been trying to focus recently on accepting certain things as part of me. it doesn’t mean they have to take control, it just means i’ve acknowledged their existence and i’m subsequently better equipped to cope with them

there’s this maverick sabre lyric which forever floats around in my head:

“my insecurities don’t pay rent, but they’re living with me”

and if there was ever a perfect time to whip that reference out, i reckon it’s now (won’t be rapping it though so you can envisage that one for yourselves) ...

blazer | c/o & other stories (identical here)

skirt | monsoon

bag | jw anderson pierce

sunglasses | celine marta

trainers | c/o gola

rounding off, following the talks of my 'comfort blanket' ~ the 'inca' trainers are my current, vintage inspired go-to's for those daily run arounds, with a timeless feel that's been taken straight from the courts. you'll be happy to hear that they feature in both the men's and women's collections, in a range of colours if you fancy a stray away from the classic!

am i the only one who finds a surprising amount of solace in wearing things where i feel most at home?

♡

*this post was sponsored by gola, however all opinions, anecdotes and rambles belong to yours truly