The New Year's Resolution I Didn't Decide On // Life Cycles

Wednesday, January 10
if any of y'all have come from the 'gram, you'll know i spent my NYE in bed, in agony, unable to hold down food. oh and pretty much everyday, since then, up until recently too. i'll look at the positives in that, with feeling so unwell, my currently permanently-domed, pregnancy-resembling stomach has been confined to four walls, saving those awkward public transport moments of being offered an unwarranted seat.
 the urgent care centre sends me away, after a two hour wait, with nothing but meds and a friendly smile on the 30th december and whilst i'm eternally grateful that there are selfless souls who give up their time to help people in need over the holidays, my lack of knowing what was really wrong with me and the little effect of said meds didn't instil the greatest of faith

i return to london and, by miracle of baby jesus, get an appointment with my gp for the following day. she informs me i most likely have gastroenteritis. gastroenteritis. otherwise known as 'stomach flu'. otherwise known as an umbrella term which is SO BROAD neither i, nor she, can even confirm whether i'm contagious or not. whether this is a long term condition or one-time little shit that's holding on for dear life. and winning.

what i'm wearing

c/o coat | warehouse (similar)
c/o cardigan | mint velvet
c/o trousers | dorothy perkins
c/o boots | dorothy perkins
bag | gucci (similar)
sunglasses | celine

 want to know what else my gp informed me?

she said, in order to alleviate (note: alleviate. not cure) my current condition, i must alter my diet. 'alter' is putting it lightly, susan (her name's not susan)

the day before this appointment, myself and my sister had a conversation. she's given up sugar and alcohol for january. that's right, two of us humans' biggest comfort blankets. in one of the most depressing months of the year

i told her she was brave but silly. that she'll most likely hit rock bottom in terms of moods because she's abruptly cutting out two of her go-to coping mechanisms

always a realist, never a sugarcoater. pun unintended.

i told her she should start with one, and gradually introduce the other, so as to slowly wean herself away from her vices. she reluctantly agrees but sticks to her commitment

*fast forward back to friday, sat in susan's office*

"for at least a month, please avoid the following:

acidic foods/drinks

i laugh to hold back the tears

and at that moment i learned never to doubt somebody else's new year's resolutions. that words can and will come back to bite you. that the universe works in some very strange and cyclical ways and

that you're never really, fully alone in anything

rock bottom, we're ready for ya. together.

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